vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
