Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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