a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
