: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
