he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
