either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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