I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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