I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
