Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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