the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
