So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
