so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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