I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
