u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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