the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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