I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
