no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
