i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
