he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
