from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
