Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
