sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
