It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Be still, my beating vagina.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
