this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
