I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
