i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
