You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
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