Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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