that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize