i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
