I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
