So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
