If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
