Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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