only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
