You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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