sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
