I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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