I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
