well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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