Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
