OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
