she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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