what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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