Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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