Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
No subtext here. People are naked.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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