so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
