Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
