Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
