Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
