A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize