You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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