I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
