If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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