we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
