I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
