why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
