I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
