ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
