He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
