we have pet lesbian snakes
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
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