I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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