How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
