you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
