I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize