if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
