My first STD was from a foam party
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
