i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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