True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
