i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Randomize
