hotel room ftw
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
