she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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