I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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