the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
