I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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