I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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