i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize