if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
