in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
