I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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