this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
